Venting

I don't want to fight with you.
But your recent actions are baffling.
Perhaps you don't realize it, but what you are doing is pushing me away.
And hurting my feelings.

See, when I want to eat out you will say you have to save money,
Or that you cannot eat out as it's unhealthy.
And you need to focus on your fitness.
Then you go to a favored hole in the wall with the boys,
Or other places with them.
Or go drinking and eating out when someone else takes you.

Or you leave me early saying you have to sleep and have an early start.
But when your gang wants you out and about,
Well then time has no meaning nor apparently does your beauty sleep.

Now you say you prefer not to meet me for an hour or just go to dinner.
I make faces it seems, and don't let you leave.
So many times we have done just dinner or whatever.
Or you pick me up from work and spend a little time,
And then leave because you have stuff to do at home.
Or so you say.

Why this sudden distancing?
You have more than once this past couple weeks said
"I didn't want to meet you so I didn't."
After coming to my neighborhood.
That's so weird!
You not coming from the half a dozen miles distance that's between our homes,
I get (sort of) and don't complain.
Even on a night when I really needed someone to comfort me,
I didn't ask or expect that you would come back.
And guess what, you didn't.
You really should have been there with and for me that day.

You have no empathy, I have come to realize.

I asked you last week and now I am asking again.
Do you not want to see me anymore?
Are you bored or maybe want something new?
Is your newfound success and the attention of so many,
Blinding you to what you have in hand?
Or maybe you don't appreciate it anymore,
And have taken me and what all I do, for granted?

I have given you so very much.

Blinded by love, and trusting you fully,
I never even blinked.
I gave of myself.
I allowed my home to become a hangout and party place for your friends.
They who now disrespect me, are rude and say vicious stuff about me.
And you of course, never counter it and in fact,
Seem to feed their misconceptions about what we are.
Do they know all I've done for you?
The loan you've taken from me?
No, they are under the impression you do so much for me,
And I am ungrateful and never happy and always wanting more.
Impressions you've fostered, apparently!


You take my home as a second home to you as well.
You want me to give you love, attention, and my ear.
I should be always "on" and available.
But you, you can be "off" and I should accept it as who you are.
Guess what - nope, done doing that.
If you cannot respect me,
I would prefer to not be with you.
I still care for you and am unable to break the bond.
But...


I will just go into the background and disappear.
If you don't want me in your life that's your right.
But making me feel unwanted is not.
I deserve better.