Tiresome
This is what me giving up on "us" looks like.
I am not confronting you on your usual half truths and lies by omission.
I am not pointing out that you didn't call me for a couple days.
That you're doing the withdrawn thing again, for no fault of mine.
I am not bothering - I am still noticing, and of course, feeling the usual pinch,
That such behavior causes.
But, I am not acknowledging it, not bringing it to your attention.
There's no point anymore.
You are what you are, and see no reason to make amends,
Or in any way cater to my needs.
After all, on a five night vacation,
You had zero qualms leaving me behind for two of those nights,
While you wandered away with a friend one night, and the second time, were supposedly "alone".
Your definition of alone amuses me, and yes, irritates me too.
Today too, you said you were going to do something alone,
After I asked if you'd like company for the long drive.
And then I figured out that it was your version of alone.
Where you didn't want me, but are taking the same arse of a friend with you.
If I point it out, you'll say you took him 'cause he would drive.
You are so tired and exhausted from driving and working all day, blah-blah-blah.
What I have realized is this:
You lie and withhold information.
It's who you are, and how you are.
Whether it's with your family, friends or me, the so-called gf.
You never share information properly, and you get annoyed when asked.
It's irksome, I find it disrespectful too.
But again, c'est la vie.
You also are inconsistent and moody.
You will suddenly switch off and barely message/call/respond.
When just the previous or even the next day,
You will be in frequent touch.
In order for me to be able to cut these ties,
To reduce my emotional attachment to a manageable level,
I have to stop - stop wanting, stop asking, and stop reacting.
When I achieve that, and it will take time, effort and pain,
I will be ready.
To be in this relationship or to end it,
Whatever be the right call.
But on an equal footing anyhow.
Where I am not the emotional, hurt party.
Where you mean as much or as little to me,
As I do to you.
Where the irritants of your "this is how I am, I won't change" spiel,
And the ever-present pity party of how burdened your life is,
Will not make me lose it.
Either to cry in frustration, or melt in empathy for your hardships.
Just - Enough.
I am not confronting you on your usual half truths and lies by omission.
I am not pointing out that you didn't call me for a couple days.
That you're doing the withdrawn thing again, for no fault of mine.
I am not bothering - I am still noticing, and of course, feeling the usual pinch,
That such behavior causes.
But, I am not acknowledging it, not bringing it to your attention.
There's no point anymore.
You are what you are, and see no reason to make amends,
Or in any way cater to my needs.
After all, on a five night vacation,
You had zero qualms leaving me behind for two of those nights,
While you wandered away with a friend one night, and the second time, were supposedly "alone".
Your definition of alone amuses me, and yes, irritates me too.
Today too, you said you were going to do something alone,
After I asked if you'd like company for the long drive.
And then I figured out that it was your version of alone.
Where you didn't want me, but are taking the same arse of a friend with you.
If I point it out, you'll say you took him 'cause he would drive.
You are so tired and exhausted from driving and working all day, blah-blah-blah.
What I have realized is this:
You lie and withhold information.
It's who you are, and how you are.
Whether it's with your family, friends or me, the so-called gf.
You never share information properly, and you get annoyed when asked.
It's irksome, I find it disrespectful too.
But again, c'est la vie.
You also are inconsistent and moody.
You will suddenly switch off and barely message/call/respond.
When just the previous or even the next day,
You will be in frequent touch.
In order for me to be able to cut these ties,
To reduce my emotional attachment to a manageable level,
I have to stop - stop wanting, stop asking, and stop reacting.
When I achieve that, and it will take time, effort and pain,
I will be ready.
To be in this relationship or to end it,
Whatever be the right call.
But on an equal footing anyhow.
Where I am not the emotional, hurt party.
Where you mean as much or as little to me,
As I do to you.
Where the irritants of your "this is how I am, I won't change" spiel,
And the ever-present pity party of how burdened your life is,
Will not make me lose it.
Either to cry in frustration, or melt in empathy for your hardships.
Just - Enough.
