Scared, for my Heart

It is getting increasingly hard for me to maintain my equilibrium. 
You've become the favorite part of my days.
Whether its the time spent talking to you,
In your arms, or just hanging out.

I knew from the moment I saw you,
That there was a possibility.
I remember my stomach doing a drop.
And thinking: "this could be trouble."
As you stood there,
Casually leaning against your car.
Long legs crossed,
Looking at your phone.
Beard and glasses and shaggy head.
But I never knew I would fall in love with you like this.

This is not about it being passionate and intense and crazy.
It's actually never been that combination.
It's been gentle and sweet and mostly happy.
After 10 months together,
I just feel like my day is brighter when you feature in it.
And that is great, when I get to see and talk to you.
But on those days it doesn't happen.
I am terrified of the effect - the gloom and dullness,
That wash over me.
I really don't want to feel like this.
But I don't know how to stop, either.

It's not about you, it's about me.
You haven't really changed your stance much,
From the beginning.
You call, you meet, you give,
As much as you can and want to.
But in my case,
You have become the center of my world.
I have told you I love you and am crazy about you.
That you mean the world to me.
You say you adore me, and love being around me.
But it's not the same and we both know that.

I am terrified of this effect on me.
I am very glad I have laid my heart bare to you.
Been honest and vulnerable about my feelings.
I am living my life authentically and honestly.
I am not suppressing anything,
Good or bad.

I am sure you find that a burden sometimes,
Dealing with my wants and needs and moods.
But, it's also the comfort level we've established.
And the liberty, nay, insisted upon openness,
That you've bestowed on me.

You are not perfect.
I am far from being so.
But despite the huge differences in our upbringings,
And in our way of living life.
We often think in line.
And are very attuned to one another.
We are taking it days, weeks and now months at a time.
In our minds and in our hearts,
We both know this relationship has an expiration date.
And though we've sworn to remain friends,
I oft wonder, what shape and form that will take?
After this romance comes to an end.

When circumstances send us on our separate paths in life.
Will an occasional hello and phone call or meet up,
Ever be able to replace this?
I am scared for my heart.
When it hurts thus at just not seeing you,
Imagine what it will feel like,
When you're no longer a part of my life.
I have no way of protecting myself,
Other than with frequent reminders.
That I will relish the memory of this loving when I am old.
That I should cherish and enjoy every moment,
For it won't last forever, this love.
And I will need these memories to hold me up.
To smile and remember with pain and pleasure,
The loving, the laughter, the joy...