What is Love?

Whenever there's someone new in my life,
And there is a feeling of "potential"
The "L" word eventually comes up.
Definitely in one's head,
And it's also at least discussed
At least in terms of past failures,
And future hopes,
With the person at hand.
Even though the words aren't expressed to/for one another.

I think I have only said it first, once.
Of the three times I've been in "that" situation.
The first couple times, the man in question did,
And it took me a while to reciprocate.
I guess because the first time,
I was scared...and really young.
And the second, I didn't feel that way.
Eventually, convinced myself I did,
And said it back.

The third time,
It was a construct,
That distance, time and circumstances put together,
And I think I did say it first.
Or maybe he did?
I cannot remember.
And either way,
It ended up being illusory,
There was nothing other than the need to be in love,
And the want for a life partner,
That brought us together,
And eventually also tore us apart.

I realize, looking back,
That I have truly been in love once in my youth,
And once recently.
And the second time around,
It was a shock and surprise.
I really thought the ability had been beaten out of me!
And the fact that it was one-sided and with someone who was not a romantic partner,
But rather a friend,
Puts it in the unrequited and crush category.

Today, when I meet someone
And get involved,
I am wary, cautious,
And optimistic too.
But in general,
I realize...
I'm holding out on falling in love,
Its too scary, too dangerous, too hurtful.

I know love as something that just happens.
Not planned for or thought of seriously.
Where one day, you suddenly realize someone has become "that" person,
The one you don't make sense without.
Or the one you think of at random, intimate, sometimes inopportune moments!
And the first few times, you wonder why on earth that guy's in your head?!

Love is there, hiding in the shadows,
Waiting to pounce!
At least that's been my discovery!

The reason I am contemplating this weighty topic all of a sudden?
Heard a song a few days ago,
That for the age and stage I am at now,
Seemed to hit the nail on the head.
A song by Passenger called "The One You Love"
The lines in particular that caught my fancy:

"We’re all looking,
That’s what she said,
For someone to share our thoughts,
For someone to share our beds.

But if you find someone that doesn't try to change you,
If you find someone that doesn't have to blame you,
If you find someone you don’t need to explain to,
You've found the one you love."

So hold it near,
Cos love it comes so quickly and then it goes,
And be careful my dear,
Cos the very thing that makes you,
Could be the thing that breaks you,
You know."

These aren't sequential verses - the last one comes later in the song.
But it just rang so very true to me!
The hope that the first two paragraphs bring,
And the ideology.
The first stanza, so true,
It is the state of being of singlehood,
To be in search of someone to share one's life with,
Be it for a night, a week, a month or year or beyond.

The second paragraph brings to the fore,
What to me is the ideal situation,
One that isn't easy to come by!
I've been with people who cannot accept me as I am,
Who are critical and mean,
Who expect me to change but don't themselves.
Who blame and demean,
Rather than give space and understanding.
And I am not doing that anymore!

The last paragraph I've quoted above?
That's the cautionary tale,
Which lays out the potential for a broken heart.
For yes, as quickly as you fall,
With all the hope and passion,
Just as quickly can something come crashing around you.
Leaving you broken, confused and in pain.

But this I know to be my truth.
You cannot really choose or plan to fall or not fall in love.
You can neither command it to happen,
Nor can you guard against it.
Whatever words you spout and defenses you lay out.
When it's meant to happen,
It just - does.