Mood Swing Junction!
I have been on a bit of an emotional ride the last few weeks.
Not a surprise I guess, given the new man in my life...
I tend to lose my equanimity when there's a hint of romance in the air.
And this turned serious quick!
Though what one means by serious is surely up for debate!
We're "undefined" but together, not seeing other people and already at the point where we know each other's whereabouts and do check-ins a few times a day. Morning call once he's at work (I have generally already been at my desk over an hour by that point); lunched?; jokes/videos/links shared; a call or WhatsApp when he knows I should be done with work; dinner plans?; small talk of the day; and a peace out at night time.
His initiation, not mine; I'm just following his lead...am not really used to letting someone know where I am and what I'm up to.
Thanks to doing only long distance in serious relationships, where the time difference curtailed such detail.
I'm learning to say not going to be available cause of meeting when there's one or if I've got plans.
I went over on his birthday, a family event. Went dutifully along to a temple - and was around as part of the low key celebrations - he wanted me there, I was. As simple as that.
We've seen each other every single weekend since we met, sometimes all three nights even!
Sometimes alone, sometimes with the little one; this past weekend, with my friends group.
If we lived closer we'd see each other during the week too, but traffic + distance are a great divide.
So, all good, right, all well?
Then why is it that I am feeling so emotional?
Is it that I don't know to just accept the happiness that comes my way and not think too much?
Is it the fact that despite all this hanging out and affection, there is an issue?
One that we both know exists, have discussed and decided to give time to.
If it doesn't get resolved, I really don't know what I will do.
It worries me, freaks me out, and otherwise disquiets what should be a happy time.
It also didn't help that my mom brought up some points on her recent passing through town.
Things like, why am I closing myself to the option of marriage?
That marriage will add a dimension to my character, will round out my personality.
That there's a certain something to be gained by getting married in one's 30s.
That being with someone who isn't looking to get married is a disservice to myself.
She also said, and this is what really got to me,
That without that piece of paper/commitment,
What would be my motivation to stay and work things out,
When issues arise?
And issues - they always arise!
I have a tendency to get bored easily.
But I don't give up on people easily,
Nor do I walk away without trying my level best.
So, I shouldn't/needn't worry about this, right?
Right??
I don't know what's up with me at the moment.
I only know this.
I am feeling sad, I am feeling weepy,
I am feeling ugly and unappealing,
I am feeling totally discombobulated!
And I am in an extremely acquisitive mood.
Been shopping with abandon,
And finding myself purchasing stuff just because
"I want"
Which is completely not my usual mode.
Am I substituting shopping for that which is missing between us, I wonder?!
I sure hope not :P
But it definitely points to something not being alright.
Here's to it all working out, and sooner rather than later.
For this much, I do know.
My life is better with him in it.
Not a surprise I guess, given the new man in my life...
I tend to lose my equanimity when there's a hint of romance in the air.
And this turned serious quick!
Though what one means by serious is surely up for debate!
We're "undefined" but together, not seeing other people and already at the point where we know each other's whereabouts and do check-ins a few times a day. Morning call once he's at work (I have generally already been at my desk over an hour by that point); lunched?; jokes/videos/links shared; a call or WhatsApp when he knows I should be done with work; dinner plans?; small talk of the day; and a peace out at night time.
His initiation, not mine; I'm just following his lead...am not really used to letting someone know where I am and what I'm up to.
Thanks to doing only long distance in serious relationships, where the time difference curtailed such detail.
I'm learning to say not going to be available cause of meeting when there's one or if I've got plans.
I went over on his birthday, a family event. Went dutifully along to a temple - and was around as part of the low key celebrations - he wanted me there, I was. As simple as that.
We've seen each other every single weekend since we met, sometimes all three nights even!
Sometimes alone, sometimes with the little one; this past weekend, with my friends group.
If we lived closer we'd see each other during the week too, but traffic + distance are a great divide.
So, all good, right, all well?
Then why is it that I am feeling so emotional?
Is it that I don't know to just accept the happiness that comes my way and not think too much?
Is it the fact that despite all this hanging out and affection, there is an issue?
One that we both know exists, have discussed and decided to give time to.
If it doesn't get resolved, I really don't know what I will do.
It worries me, freaks me out, and otherwise disquiets what should be a happy time.
It also didn't help that my mom brought up some points on her recent passing through town.
Things like, why am I closing myself to the option of marriage?
That marriage will add a dimension to my character, will round out my personality.
That there's a certain something to be gained by getting married in one's 30s.
That being with someone who isn't looking to get married is a disservice to myself.
She also said, and this is what really got to me,
That without that piece of paper/commitment,
What would be my motivation to stay and work things out,
When issues arise?
And issues - they always arise!
I have a tendency to get bored easily.
But I don't give up on people easily,
Nor do I walk away without trying my level best.
So, I shouldn't/needn't worry about this, right?
Right??
I don't know what's up with me at the moment.
I only know this.
I am feeling sad, I am feeling weepy,
I am feeling ugly and unappealing,
I am feeling totally discombobulated!
And I am in an extremely acquisitive mood.
Been shopping with abandon,
And finding myself purchasing stuff just because
"I want"
Which is completely not my usual mode.
Am I substituting shopping for that which is missing between us, I wonder?!
I sure hope not :P
But it definitely points to something not being alright.
Here's to it all working out, and sooner rather than later.
For this much, I do know.
My life is better with him in it.
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