On being Wooed
I never feel the need
To be anything but myself with him.
I tell him when he's the cause of my discomfort/worry.
And when he was unhappy about something, he did the same.
There's the honesty, the straight shooting, the intensity.
It feels good to talk and share.
And he has been consistent this far, in his reaching out,
Which is so essential for my mental peace.
He keeps me off balance, too.
A mere touch or remark,
Make me go weak in the knees.
I don't think anyone has wooed me thus.
With songs n lyrics.
By taking me home,
By introducing me to his daughter,
By including me in his family's festival celebrations.
By saying that my very presence means I am someone special;
He doesn't take people home generally.
We met on a dating app, just one of the myriad men I was talking to.
But even before we met face to face,
He'd caught my attention, reeled me in.
A few nights of hours long messaging,
Where we discussed everything under the sun,
Kind of made meeting a culmination,
Not a starting point.
I felt like I was being interviewed, at times.
But it also meant we learned a lot about each other.
Our expectations, life goals, viewpoints, interests and needs.
All laid out bare.
Helped that there was a lot of matching in the answers...
The night we met, I stopped short on the stairs up to the restaurant.
Literally, just stood there, scared to go up, knowing he was waiting.
So much had been said already, so much shared.
What if he took one look and changed his mind?
Or what if we just had a blah, boring time?
Fortunately those fears were unfounded.
We talked, talked, and talked some more.
We met three times in the span of a week,
Just basking in the other's company and attention.
We also spent rather ridiculous amounts of time on WhatsApp.
I've been unbelievably unproductive these past few weeks.
He told me once that I've taken up residence in his head,
And could I please leave so he could get some work done?
Thing is, he's done the same in mine.
Parking himself in a corner.
He gave me a nickname and said I make him smile like he hasn't in a long time.
He gives me comfort.
(In fact, brutal honesty says that prior to this, its only one man with whom I've been this comfortable and myself - and it was many years in the making, breaking and mending. That one, when he went into withdrawal mode, it made my heart hurt so bad...cause it was predictably the same - the fast fade with no explanation).
I like that I can now just be - its important that I am,
For my own sense of self, self worth and peace of mind.
This one, he's told me repeatedly that the little one doesn't make friends easy,
Doesn't take to outsiders,
That she doesn't do cuddles and kisses with anyone other than him.
That she's reticent and older than her age.
I accepted that and expected it would take time for her to warm to me,
But was fully confident that she would - I am a kid magnet, after all!
And it happened, over the course of a lunch.
He brought her along without telling me,
I was surprised but also delighted.
And she and I got along - she talked, she giggled, she even held me hand!
And didn't insist her dad had to be right there every step of the way.
She took me home, I was her play date.
The second time I was around, she was dragging me around by the hand, literally,
Asking me to be a part of things - and that made me happy.
That he put his arm around me, in her presence, was the icing on top.
I told my mom about him,
And friends - I don't generally say anything about casual dates except to a couple of people.
But lets face it, this isn't coming across as casual!
He's laid out his expectations very clearly -
Marriage is not for him, been there done that, got scarred.
He says the same about falling in love or love, too.
But he's also said I'm his girl,
That he's done looking.
More than even those words, the actions
Taking me home,
Leaving the little one with me,
Showing her that I'm someone to him,
Have proven his intent.
He's given me time one on one as well.
He's carving out time from life n work n child.
We hung out in silence yesterday, for a while.
I was nestled against him,
My mind was blank and at peace.
And I know its the same for him.
He told me once that hugging me brought that same feeling out in him:
Peace, happiness, mind wiped clean of thought.
There was none of the tension or awareness of "other"
Which, while it has its pleasures, is a momentary thing.
This comfort, this contentment, that's so much harder to come by!
But I do want the "other" moments too, for this to last.
So I hope they happen...
We've already made plans for months from now.
I don't think I even dared to think that far ahead.
And our birthdays, well, they're a month apart.
And upcoming.
I am all in, always, when with someone.
But also always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
That unfortunately, is what the past has taught me.
Yet, his own confidence and certainty,
Has given me the vision -
To discuss birthday plans and presents,
Vacation next year.
I am literally in awe that I can think of it as an eventuality,
And not just making castles in the sky.
I have to believe this is it,
That my search is done.
That we'll be together for a long while...
At least, that's what his words indicate,
And given that neither marriage nor kids are a requirement for me to be happy,
Just the commitment of being exclusive,
I hope this is it!
To be anything but myself with him.
I tell him when he's the cause of my discomfort/worry.
And when he was unhappy about something, he did the same.
There's the honesty, the straight shooting, the intensity.
It feels good to talk and share.
And he has been consistent this far, in his reaching out,
Which is so essential for my mental peace.
He keeps me off balance, too.
A mere touch or remark,
Make me go weak in the knees.
I don't think anyone has wooed me thus.
With songs n lyrics.
By taking me home,
By introducing me to his daughter,
By including me in his family's festival celebrations.
By saying that my very presence means I am someone special;
He doesn't take people home generally.
We met on a dating app, just one of the myriad men I was talking to.
But even before we met face to face,
He'd caught my attention, reeled me in.
A few nights of hours long messaging,
Where we discussed everything under the sun,
Kind of made meeting a culmination,
Not a starting point.
I felt like I was being interviewed, at times.
But it also meant we learned a lot about each other.
Our expectations, life goals, viewpoints, interests and needs.
All laid out bare.
Helped that there was a lot of matching in the answers...
The night we met, I stopped short on the stairs up to the restaurant.
Literally, just stood there, scared to go up, knowing he was waiting.
So much had been said already, so much shared.
What if he took one look and changed his mind?
Or what if we just had a blah, boring time?
Fortunately those fears were unfounded.
We talked, talked, and talked some more.
We met three times in the span of a week,
Just basking in the other's company and attention.
We also spent rather ridiculous amounts of time on WhatsApp.
I've been unbelievably unproductive these past few weeks.
He told me once that I've taken up residence in his head,
And could I please leave so he could get some work done?
Thing is, he's done the same in mine.
Parking himself in a corner.
He gave me a nickname and said I make him smile like he hasn't in a long time.
He gives me comfort.
(In fact, brutal honesty says that prior to this, its only one man with whom I've been this comfortable and myself - and it was many years in the making, breaking and mending. That one, when he went into withdrawal mode, it made my heart hurt so bad...cause it was predictably the same - the fast fade with no explanation).
I like that I can now just be - its important that I am,
For my own sense of self, self worth and peace of mind.
This one, he's told me repeatedly that the little one doesn't make friends easy,
Doesn't take to outsiders,
That she doesn't do cuddles and kisses with anyone other than him.
That she's reticent and older than her age.
I accepted that and expected it would take time for her to warm to me,
But was fully confident that she would - I am a kid magnet, after all!
And it happened, over the course of a lunch.
He brought her along without telling me,
I was surprised but also delighted.
And she and I got along - she talked, she giggled, she even held me hand!
And didn't insist her dad had to be right there every step of the way.
She took me home, I was her play date.
The second time I was around, she was dragging me around by the hand, literally,
Asking me to be a part of things - and that made me happy.
That he put his arm around me, in her presence, was the icing on top.
I told my mom about him,
And friends - I don't generally say anything about casual dates except to a couple of people.
But lets face it, this isn't coming across as casual!
He's laid out his expectations very clearly -
Marriage is not for him, been there done that, got scarred.
He says the same about falling in love or love, too.
But he's also said I'm his girl,
That he's done looking.
More than even those words, the actions
Taking me home,
Leaving the little one with me,
Showing her that I'm someone to him,
Have proven his intent.
He's given me time one on one as well.
He's carving out time from life n work n child.
We hung out in silence yesterday, for a while.
I was nestled against him,
My mind was blank and at peace.
And I know its the same for him.
He told me once that hugging me brought that same feeling out in him:
Peace, happiness, mind wiped clean of thought.
There was none of the tension or awareness of "other"
Which, while it has its pleasures, is a momentary thing.
This comfort, this contentment, that's so much harder to come by!
But I do want the "other" moments too, for this to last.
So I hope they happen...
We've already made plans for months from now.
I don't think I even dared to think that far ahead.
And our birthdays, well, they're a month apart.
And upcoming.
I am all in, always, when with someone.
But also always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
That unfortunately, is what the past has taught me.
Yet, his own confidence and certainty,
Has given me the vision -
To discuss birthday plans and presents,
Vacation next year.
I am literally in awe that I can think of it as an eventuality,
And not just making castles in the sky.
I have to believe this is it,
That my search is done.
That we'll be together for a long while...
At least, that's what his words indicate,
And given that neither marriage nor kids are a requirement for me to be happy,
Just the commitment of being exclusive,
I hope this is it!
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