Don't

Written January 2011
Our recent fights and arguments have me worried.
I need strength and coping skills for this,
The nit-picking, easily irritable, irascible side of you that I'm seeing.
I am fragile and hyper sensitive to criticism or perceived attack from my loved ones.
When you get upset at something and turn on me,
I can't fight back every time.
More often than not, I want to run away and hide.
I understand where you're coming from.
You're under a lot of stress,
Trying to get things done, make changes, move ideas forward into reality.
Also feeling the pressure of things.
And I get that I am your closest confidante,
That its a mark of our closeness and bond,
That its me you vent to, yell at, get annoyed with.
I want to be there, supportive and caring,
The girlfriend you deserve to have.
Giving you the love you should be given.
It would be easy to say lets not talk if you're in a bad mood,
Quick to say lets not talk every day.
But I cannot do that-I need to see/talk to you.
Its become a necessity for my happiness.
Even if you're in a foul mood,
Or are ignoring me because you've got work to do,
Or your phone rings constantly.
But good or bad, I must have that time with you,
You are essential to my well-being,
Even when you are shattering it.
You break me a little, every time.
Each time I cry over your words.
Each time I bury my hurt and sense of devastation.
Because your anger and irritation are devastating.
To my sense of self, to my ego.
I fear I am not good enough.
That I annoy and exhaust you.
I want to be your lover and your wife,
But can I make you happy and keep you content?
Because, you see, I love you, so very much.
And because you are a good man,
Kind, sensitive, caring, honest and unaffected,
With no games to play or ploys to run.
I appreciate you and who you are.
I am grateful to have you in my life,
Feel fortunate that you love me too.
That you put up with me,
Oddball whackjob that I am.
So please:
Don't snap at me,
Don't pick on me,
Don't jump on my words.
Because I will more often than not, not yell back.
I am capable of yelling, sure.
I can argue as well as the next person, perhaps better.
But I don't want to, or need to.
I don't feel like I have to prove myself to you.
I just want to be loved and cherished by you.
I've said it before, I'll say it again.
All I expect from you is love and affection.
Give me that, make me yours.
And you have a companion for life.