Birthday Blues

Generally, I LOVE my birthday!
I can count, on one hand, the birthdays where I've felt less than great.
16, 18, 25...and now, 32.
This year I had a real hard time.
Not feeling ‘it’ as I usually do.
Not as an age or stage related thing.
Just, plain and simple, being away from my friends and family in the US.
Trying hard to not focus on how different it would have been,
Had I still been in San Diego.

The few people locally I had and wanted to be with,
That did not turn out as hoped either.
My parents came to town.
First birthday with all three of us together,
Since my 18th.
Not so fun-we fought and ended up in bad moods.
The brand new man in my life...
Well, he forgot, totally and completely.
Not because of callousness,
But rather due to being overworked and stressed.
But it did make me sad-I woulda liked to see him.
Six/seven weeks is a short time, yes.
But we are dating, and a birthday wish and hug would have helped me feel cheerier.
I was not expecting flowers or a gift,
Nor anything showy or extravagant.
But having him not remember,
And being too busy to make up for it at a later date.
That kind of sucks.

Still, the part I enjoy best about my birthday,
Hearing from loved ones, did not change…
My lovely people called or sent me messages.
My best friend's dad called me,
That was super special.
He was out of town,
Made the effort to get my number and call.
Usually he would come on the line if he was home,
And not traveling.
But this year, I guess with me being in the country,
He made the call himself-and I deeply appreciated the gesture, more than he could possibly know.

And my friends and family abroad called or sent messages.
Speaking to my grandparents and my aunt,
Talking to her husband, and son, and yes, the family cat,
All made me happy.
Hearing from my uncle and his wife was the hardest call for me.
I don't know why...when they were here, in May and July respectively this year,
I found myself in tears saying goodbye to them.
And that same melancholy came over me when they called on my birthday too.
I think its a certain concern for me that I hear in both their voices...the caring and affection, that does me in each time.
After hanging up from them, I went and had a good cry.
But that gloominess and feeling of unrest,
Is yet to leave me,
Two weeks later...

My co-worker caught me with tears running down my face,
At work the other day.
I could not really explain WHY I was crying,
There was no trigger as such.
Just deep sadness and a sense of homesickness.
Its time it stopped-I have been out of sorts for a little too long at one stretch.
But this time, its taking forever.
These birthday blues,
They better end, and soon!