the best laid plans

I thought I was coming back to be with you.
For a life together.
For love and companionship and a wealth of affection.
Within a few days, it all went to hell in a hand basket.
I cannot remember another time in my life when I have felt so very helpless.
I love you. You SAY you love me too.
But you seem to have a lot of barriers.
Oscillations and vacillations.
You want me, but not all of me.
You want me, but cannot take me as I am.
You call multiple times a day.
Yet you say that I seem like one of the boys.
And someone you need to protect.
I don't know how to react or what to do.
I came with the anticipation of becoming your wife.
Of making a life with you, for you, by your side.
You don't seem to know if you want to be my friend or my boyfriend.
Each time you snap at me or remind me of my lack of appeal in your eyes,
A little piece of me breaks.
I feel betrayed and abandoned.
Hurt and miserable.
But at the same time.
The idea of not having you in my life is odd after a year of intensity.
What shall I do?
Wait and hope?
Or cut my losses now?
Either way I will be devastated.
Will waiting and hoping help me feel like I gave it my all?
Gave it every shot?
Or am I only opening myself up for even more pain?
Its not in my makeup to quit.
To give up on someone or something without trying my level best.
Especially when its something as important as us having a future together.
But when you snap my head off.
When you shrink from my touch.
Or refuse to be affectionate.
Saying you are not a demonstrative person,
I literally feel my heart breaking.