Push, Push, Further Away

Congratulations - I laud your efforts.
You have, rather successfully,
Pushed me away.
You've made me sad,
You've made me mad.
You've made me feel of no import or significance in your life.

You've made me doubt myself,
My intuition, my ability to know if something is right.
You've left me feeling hopeless - I don't want to have to demand and fight.
At least once in a way it would be good to have you take the initiative to do something with me.
I wonder, do you even care whether I'm happy or not?
How can you possibly think I am okay with us not meeting for two or more weeks at a stretch?
We live in the same city - if I wanted a long distance relationship, I could have had one!
Daily phone calls don't cut it - I want, need, expect and more to the point, know I deserve more.

I am trying desperately to feel close to you, somehow.
Despite all your pushing me away, with words and actions.
Wearing things you gave me.
Talking with enthusiasm when you call.
But it's not working - I am just sad and feel alone.
For even if I want to be close to you,
Where are you to achieve that?
And not just in a physical sense,
You're clearly not there with me even when we're talking.

You've been rather selfish of recent, something I called you out on.
You want me to be involved in your life and your child's,
But always on your terms.
In fact, every bloody interaction,
Be it a call or meet up,
Is on your terms.
You give when you feel like,
And I am well aware that you're far from me,
Not just physically but also emotionally.

I don't ask anymore, to meet.
So you seem to have thought I am okay with sporadic meetings.
No, I most definitely am not!
That you don't want to be alone with me is clear.
You bring the little one along,
Knowing I will turn my attention towards her.

It rankled,
When I realized you're doing things with others.
A weeknight movie outing,
Drinking with your buddy on the weekend.
Wow really - what am I then?
Where and when do I figure?
Oh wait, there I am, the voice on the other end of the phone line.
HA!

Every person tells me its time to tell you to take a hike.
They don't understand what I'm still doing with ya,
You, with all your rules and expectations and unwillingness/inability to give.
My people have been asking me to get out for well over a month now.
I don't know what it is that keeps me sticking on.
My unwillingness to have yet another relationship end so soon?
My hope for better times - wanting things like they used to be a couple months ago?
The idea that vacationing together, without the stressers and distractions of work and family,
Will bring us closer together? Will iron out the kinks?
I'm not even sure we should be going on vacation, at this point!

I don't know anymore, what to do.
I am just so sad.
You've made me sad, and your indifference is hurtful.
And that, pretty much, sums it up...