I not only survived, I thrived
Four plus years ago, I came back to the country of my birth.
And the first two years were some of the hardest of my life.
I have chronicled that pain and suffering.
This ain't about that.
August marked 4 years of my living in my current chosen city.
It's been tumultuous.
But I sure have learned a lot.
Good and Bad.
Made some dreadful mistakes,
With jobs and people.
Made some wonderful friends, too.
Have a reasonably happy life now.
A measure of peace, contentment.
But it took a long time coming.
Let me tell ya!
2011-2012 were about making a point.
That I could, and would survive.
On my own.
That having my heart broken.
My plans to get married go awry.
My raison d'etre to return to India disappear.
Would not fell me.
I was living in a small little apartment,
In a sad neighborhood,
Where I stood out like a sore thumb and didn't feel comfortable.
I worked at a crappy company.
At a sub-par salary.
Dealt with apathetic colleagues,
A gossip-ridden atmosphere,
A crazy boss,
Followed by an incompetent one,
Rounded out by an abusive one!
Then in 2013 I jumped straight from the frying pan to the fire:
Got "poached" by an ex-manager,
And convinced to join a small training company.
Shysters, they turned out to be!
No money, no class, all talk and jazz hands.
The commute was long and painful.
Expensive on my health and pocket.
But I loved the training and interacting with the classes.
Still, not getting paid salary on time (oh, same crappy salary, btw!!)
Meant that it was just a matter of time.
Three months in, having waited for a check that could be cashed/deposited.
I walked as soon as it came through.
What followed was three months of even deeper hell.
Unemployment is numbing to the soul,
Especially when you have folks (aka parentals),
Reminding you at every opportunity of your mistakes.
I determinedly continued to live alone,
In my shyte apartment that was cheap rent.
I went to more events, made lunch dates with friends.
Took on freelance work, writing and editing.
And of course,
Applied for jobs and attended interviews.
But it was a bad time,
With everyone in my business.
Living off savings,
And having no schedule or routine in place.
2014 was the turning point.
I accepted and started my current job.
Took up writing as a full time profession.
Small company, sometimes too quiet.
Not great, but no one's abusing me.
I get paid a decent wage,
Even if still not anywhere near my worth/potential.
And I have learned a whole lot.
With the new job, came a new home.
And that ended up being the biggest factor in my happiness.
I moved in next door to a dear friend and her family.
And down the road from one of my best guy pals.
The house also definitely has some mojo.
Literally from the moment I moved in,
There have been people filling it.
Coming to visit, to stay a few days.
Laughter and fun and dancing.
Food, drink, silliness.
The little girls who are my loves.
My house is the hang out spot,
The place everyone gathers.
And I love it!
2014 also got me involved in other activities and events.
That widened my social circle.
Brought new and strong friendships into my life.
I also fell in love with a friend, unexpectedly.
And then moved on too.
Went back to dating,
After an almost 2 year gap.
As in, went into it actively.
Put myself out there.
Met a few guys,
Had a couple good dates that went nowhere.
Alongside half a dozen doozies.
Then ended up with one confused, broken, selfish soul.
For three months.
But had the sense and strength,
To call it off when things were clearly no good.
And jumped right back into the game.
And hit pay dirt!
In the last few months,
The boy in my life and his friends too,
Have made my home theirs.
We gather almost every day!
And they, alongside others,
Point to feeling a sense of peace and well being there.
I love this aspect of my life.
Though work might be boring as hell now,
Though my friends at work have slowly but surely moved on to greener pastures,
My lunch companions have dwindled, the laughs and post office gatherings, too.
I seem to manage to keep busy, keep happy and feel some peace.
Four years ago, on moving back, and having things blow up in my face,
I would have fantasies of walking into the ocean to drown out the noise of life.
And I would also fantasize about packing my bags and traveling until I ran out of money.
I was desperate to escape, berating myself daily for poor choices.
Today, I accept my shortcomings,
But also see the good in my life.
I do travel - I make sure I leave the country a couple times a year.
Mostly Asian adventures.
The change of scene,
The seeing friends/family there,
Being away from the chaos of life here,
Soothes my soul.
I just got back from a much planned, awaited and looked forward to trip.
It brought me back together with my favorite person in the world - my aunt.
We got an entire week of hanging out and traveling together.
It is a gift I will cherish always.
That exclusive time with her.
We have never ever had that much alone time together.
It didn't feel like four years had even gone by,
Since last we met.
We fell back into our usual pattern.
As my mom said,
When aunt and niece are together,
They are in their own world - the rest don't exist!
I also saw my best friend and college roommate get married.
I honestly don't think I could have been happier at my own wedding celebration!
The ten days away was also gratifying,
In that it made the boy realize he missed me.
He admitted it, plain and simple.
Saying I never missed you all these days.
But now you're so far away,
And I miss you.
And the affection and attention since I got back,
Confirm these weren't idle words.
So, really, life is pretty good.
I don't hate my job, I like my home,
I have a boyfriend...
(We crossed the six month mark -
A big deal for me).
This is my longest, real, adult relationship.
And yeah, there were a couple bumps on the way.
June/July were less than stellar!
But in the here and now,
I have wonderful friends and a someone to love.
Good enough.
Sure, the hunt for a new job should commence soon,
There are personal goals to tackle.
But overall, life has looked up.
Some of the people who populated my life,
Remain, and are closer and better than ever.
Others have come and gone.
Over the course of the four years.
At the end of the day.
I can say,
With certainty and yes, Pride.
I not only survived,
I thrived...
And the first two years were some of the hardest of my life.
I have chronicled that pain and suffering.
This ain't about that.
August marked 4 years of my living in my current chosen city.
It's been tumultuous.
But I sure have learned a lot.
Good and Bad.
Made some dreadful mistakes,
With jobs and people.
Made some wonderful friends, too.
Have a reasonably happy life now.
A measure of peace, contentment.
But it took a long time coming.
Let me tell ya!
2011-2012 were about making a point.
That I could, and would survive.
On my own.
That having my heart broken.
My plans to get married go awry.
My raison d'etre to return to India disappear.
Would not fell me.
I was living in a small little apartment,
In a sad neighborhood,
Where I stood out like a sore thumb and didn't feel comfortable.
I worked at a crappy company.
At a sub-par salary.
Dealt with apathetic colleagues,
A gossip-ridden atmosphere,
A crazy boss,
Followed by an incompetent one,
Rounded out by an abusive one!
Then in 2013 I jumped straight from the frying pan to the fire:
Got "poached" by an ex-manager,
And convinced to join a small training company.
Shysters, they turned out to be!
No money, no class, all talk and jazz hands.
The commute was long and painful.
Expensive on my health and pocket.
But I loved the training and interacting with the classes.
Still, not getting paid salary on time (oh, same crappy salary, btw!!)
Meant that it was just a matter of time.
Three months in, having waited for a check that could be cashed/deposited.
I walked as soon as it came through.
What followed was three months of even deeper hell.
Unemployment is numbing to the soul,
Especially when you have folks (aka parentals),
Reminding you at every opportunity of your mistakes.
I determinedly continued to live alone,
In my shyte apartment that was cheap rent.
I went to more events, made lunch dates with friends.
Took on freelance work, writing and editing.
And of course,
Applied for jobs and attended interviews.
But it was a bad time,
With everyone in my business.
Living off savings,
And having no schedule or routine in place.
2014 was the turning point.
I accepted and started my current job.
Took up writing as a full time profession.
Small company, sometimes too quiet.
Not great, but no one's abusing me.
I get paid a decent wage,
Even if still not anywhere near my worth/potential.
And I have learned a whole lot.
With the new job, came a new home.
And that ended up being the biggest factor in my happiness.
I moved in next door to a dear friend and her family.
And down the road from one of my best guy pals.
The house also definitely has some mojo.
Literally from the moment I moved in,
There have been people filling it.
Coming to visit, to stay a few days.
Laughter and fun and dancing.
Food, drink, silliness.
The little girls who are my loves.
My house is the hang out spot,
The place everyone gathers.
And I love it!
2014 also got me involved in other activities and events.
That widened my social circle.
Brought new and strong friendships into my life.
I also fell in love with a friend, unexpectedly.
And then moved on too.
Went back to dating,
After an almost 2 year gap.
As in, went into it actively.
Put myself out there.
Met a few guys,
Had a couple good dates that went nowhere.
Alongside half a dozen doozies.
Then ended up with one confused, broken, selfish soul.
For three months.
But had the sense and strength,
To call it off when things were clearly no good.
And jumped right back into the game.
And hit pay dirt!
In the last few months,
The boy in my life and his friends too,
Have made my home theirs.
We gather almost every day!
And they, alongside others,
Point to feeling a sense of peace and well being there.
I love this aspect of my life.
Though work might be boring as hell now,
Though my friends at work have slowly but surely moved on to greener pastures,
My lunch companions have dwindled, the laughs and post office gatherings, too.
I seem to manage to keep busy, keep happy and feel some peace.
Four years ago, on moving back, and having things blow up in my face,
I would have fantasies of walking into the ocean to drown out the noise of life.
And I would also fantasize about packing my bags and traveling until I ran out of money.
I was desperate to escape, berating myself daily for poor choices.
Today, I accept my shortcomings,
But also see the good in my life.
I do travel - I make sure I leave the country a couple times a year.
Mostly Asian adventures.
The change of scene,
The seeing friends/family there,
Being away from the chaos of life here,
Soothes my soul.
I just got back from a much planned, awaited and looked forward to trip.
It brought me back together with my favorite person in the world - my aunt.
We got an entire week of hanging out and traveling together.
It is a gift I will cherish always.
That exclusive time with her.
We have never ever had that much alone time together.
It didn't feel like four years had even gone by,
Since last we met.
We fell back into our usual pattern.
As my mom said,
When aunt and niece are together,
They are in their own world - the rest don't exist!
I also saw my best friend and college roommate get married.
I honestly don't think I could have been happier at my own wedding celebration!
The ten days away was also gratifying,
In that it made the boy realize he missed me.
He admitted it, plain and simple.
Saying I never missed you all these days.
But now you're so far away,
And I miss you.
And the affection and attention since I got back,
Confirm these weren't idle words.
So, really, life is pretty good.
I don't hate my job, I like my home,
I have a boyfriend...
(We crossed the six month mark -
A big deal for me).
This is my longest, real, adult relationship.
And yeah, there were a couple bumps on the way.
June/July were less than stellar!
But in the here and now,
I have wonderful friends and a someone to love.
Good enough.
Sure, the hunt for a new job should commence soon,
There are personal goals to tackle.
But overall, life has looked up.
Some of the people who populated my life,
Remain, and are closer and better than ever.
Others have come and gone.
Over the course of the four years.
At the end of the day.
I can say,
With certainty and yes, Pride.
I not only survived,
I thrived...
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