UnCute

It is such an unpleasant feeling,
Being taken for granted,
Be it by friends or lovers or family.
It is also a common enough occurrence in my life.
One of the things that comes with being a giver.
When you are always available, ready to adjust,
Putting others before you and giving of your time,
At some point or another, they will take you for granted.

And yes, every time, I will hurt over it.
Feel a little sad, a little put upon.

This time, I feel foolish too.

Cause I suppose it’s my fault.

For being too available and giving.

For making my house the defacto hangout.

The place we all gather even at times I may not be in the mood.

And my reward?
They all meet up for a “quick coffee” while I am at home,
Awaiting the arrival of two of the group, to go to dinner.

Not at all far from where I live, I might add.

They got delayed leaving - fine.
But if you could make plans to meet up over the phone,
Or messages, while driving over,
How come no one thought to message me?
Saying we are running late,
Or hey, we're stopping off for coffee, so see ya in 30?

But more than this oversight,

Which may be was just that,

I am upset at the boy.

He allows himself to get pulled into this plan and that.

He does it with his friends and mine too.

I don't appreciate it though,
That he thought nothing of keeping me waiting,
For an hour!

And that when I was annoyed about it,
He got angry; said unnecessary stuff,
That made it sound like I was controlling or petty.
Rather than acknowledging the behavior was wrong.
In fact, he seemed to think no wrong of the behavior at all.

He felt like he had communicated that they were late.
That since he genuinely had work,
I had no reason to be upset.
That I over reacted and acted up.
But he didn't see it from my point of view.

And he compounded this by then disappearing while we ate,
Citing lack of table space and he not eating anyways.
Why ever did you even come then?
If it was to give us company,
That sure failed, didn't it?
If so tired and not in the mood,
Please, don't come.
I don't want us to get in spats due to not being in sync.

When we're around our friends,
It often appears that he forgets I am a girl,
And just treats me as one of the guys,
(Well, I don't mind that - being one of the boys is something I excel at!)
Or is so busy with the group that he sidelines me. 
But he's my boy, not just a guy friend.
Not cute!
I am not a needy or attention seeking person,
But being taken for granted is uncool...

I am realizing that the 2.5 year age difference,
Is at times a chasm.
Even if he were my age or older,
It comes down to disparity in thinking.
He's juvenile, a friend pointed out.
He wants laughs and fun and none of the glum.

This is not our first spat over this kinda issue.
And the more they happen,
The more I realize,
I need to either put up or get out.
'Cause he won't change,
Nor do I expect him to.
He is who he is, I am who I am.

I am not angry this time.
I am sad, and a little hurt.
I am looking at the bigger picture.
It's time to take a little step back.
To put myself first -
And stop being so very welcoming!