Mask Time

I am no one's first priority - I know this well.
But every single time it comes to the fore,
It hurts like hell.
People want sunny, cheery, bubbly me.
Not the gloomy or depressed version.
I, whatever my own demons,
Put them aside and am always there,
For my friends and loved ones.
Got a quick reminder today,
That it is foolish, unwise and irrational,
To assume I will get the same in return.
What I got instead,
Was a scolding,
And typical of a man -
Ways to solve my bad mood.
Not at all what I needed.
Yes he is super stressed,
So I best keep away.
Another friend too,
Did not seem to have much to say,
About my gloom.
So, bottom line: handle it alone.
Don't share, don't show.
Go inwards,
And pull out those masks.
The ones you've always had,
But had put away for years.
It's time to dust them off,
And start wearing 'em.
I am a pretty good actor.
And you know.
Give the audience what it wants.
Which is the happy smiley funny gal.
Whose house is always available to hang out at,
Who always lends her ear and her shoulder,
Gives advice and showers love and care.
The other side of her - the hurting, unhappy, unfulfilled, frustrated self?
She needs to remain out of sight.
She is neither wanted nor appreciated.
So, no one deserves to see the "real"me,
Or rather, all the sides of me.
I got seduced by that call of tell me everything,
Be your self, don't hide, and so on.
Bah!
On this, the first day of the last month of the year,
I have a new tactic:
SMILE SMILE and SMILE
Until it hurts to do so.
Grin and bear it,
Smile your hurts away,
And remember:
You and you alone are there in your corner.
You are not that important to anyone,
That they would put you first,
Beyond their own convenience and needs.
If you don't want to lose yourself,
Stop showing your true self.
It-just-ain't-worth-it...
The moonlight loses none of its lustre
Just because it is seen alone,
It will shine and bestow its beauty.
So don't be afraid to go it alone.
It is the best way forward.
Where hurt is less and friction too.
A smiling facade is the need of the hour.
And shall be employed, forthwith!