Tick Tock Tick Tock
Putting these words down could well mean the end is nigh.
That we lasted a year is I think much longer than anyone predicted.
We definitely didn't start off with such an expectation.
I wanted to reach that landmark, am so glad we did, and happily.
Not in any way dragging it along just for the sake of it.
But oh, the irony.
Before 12 months translates to 13,
Your behavior, talk and actions make me realize.
That maybe that expiration date is fast approaching.
We could well survive some months more,
But it would seem that life is giving us some signs...
Why?
1. We don't see much of each other anymore. When we do it's for a specific purpose and that's often the extent of the interaction.
2. You are not actively engaged in the 'us' anymore. You claim work pressures are causing it, and its also why you aren't in a mood for sex. You gave me a lot of time, attention and affection in our first year and if that's changing, and for the worse, it is bad.
3. You sound like a broken record - same explanations, same litany of responsibilities, same reasons and moods and conversations.
4. I am finding the company of your friends increasingly nauseating. And the influence of one in particular, bothers me. You and he are forever checking out other women and even discuss sleeping with and meeting others - that's plain disrespectful to the people you're with. Oh yes, I do know that you have and continue to, talk to girls online...you've mentioned a couple of instances; others I have discovered. Just because you haven't acted on this, and gone and slept with another, does not make it okay. It shows you're restlessness, and more so, that you are juvenile. It's what boys do - check out women and keep looking for that stimulation and next lay.You think that being honest about it means it's okay - nope, not really. You assured me that your giving me less time did not mean you were out chasing other women or sleeping with someone else. I never thought it did - until you brought it up.
5. You said this week, outright, to expect nothing at all from you. Not calls, meeting/seeing one another, or the attention that you've thus far bestowed on me. You say I get "disappointed" when you don't show or come hours late, so it's better I expect nothing and make my own plans and not include you or count on you. But of course, when you're free, I'll be the person you call and meet.
6. You said I would not be able to fit into your family or adjust to them, and so you are not looking at marriage between us. You won't leave home, must continue to live with them. And of course, a girl of
my upbringing and background can't live with them. You can't just decide that solo - it's also my choice to make. The conversation has to be about whether we want to or can see ourselves spending the rest of our lives together.And then, what the requisite adjustments will be.
7. You've said a couple times recently that your family expects you to marry this year, and are actively looking for a wife for you. So we continue until that happens? Or you decide to introduce me and see if they would even be remotely open to the idea of accepting me? You said, when I posed these questions, that you don't know, but yes, those are the options.
8. Your words and actions have caused me to withdraw a little, and stop wanting to do for you as much as I used to. I've put you first, even ahead of myself. I remind you that bills need paying, errands need doing - indeed often I do online ordering, shopping and errands for you and your family. And I have done it expecting nothing in return, out of love and happiness.
9. You want all the privilege of being my guy without any of the responsibility. You say you want me to live my life and expect nothing but you also think you will continue to pop by whenever it suits you or you have time for me, and things will be exactly the same. Errrr. Ever heard of nurture? Of watering the plant/flower? Neglect equals wilting, my darling.
I've offered you the out, a few times now. Said we can break up, just be friends. Have clearly asked, are we still bf/gf? And made it clear that once it ends, I will not be able to give you priority or see you one on one much. That it will be painful and hurt...but you don't get it.
You chided me for the suggestion, saying why do you always go to breakup? And you always are firmly yes when I ask if we're still a couple. But on the other hand, when I complain or say I feel neglected, you go back to the whole martyr stance: too busy, no right to disappoint another, should not get into a relationship, etc. As I always say, about a year too late for that!
Another night, when I asked you what you want of me, and what the future holds, you actually brought up marriage - I didn't, will not and never have - but in a self-serving way. It's clear you are too confused in your own head. And that autonomy is something you never had.
Maturity means making space and place for everything in your life - not quitting the moment the tough gets tougher. In fact, that's one reason I am holding on: I refuse to be the kind of person who ran out the moment it got tough or boring. I want to stand by you, be that supportive woman in your life. But, for that you have to at least give me a little.
I am no longer head over heels for you - but I do still love you and feel so tenderly for and about you. I love your company and have so much fun around you. But I feel jaded and unappreciated, under-cared about, and yes, even though I love you and always will appreciate the time we had together, I am starting to wonder...
That we lasted a year is I think much longer than anyone predicted.
We definitely didn't start off with such an expectation.
I wanted to reach that landmark, am so glad we did, and happily.
Not in any way dragging it along just for the sake of it.
But oh, the irony.
Before 12 months translates to 13,
Your behavior, talk and actions make me realize.
That maybe that expiration date is fast approaching.
We could well survive some months more,
But it would seem that life is giving us some signs...
Why?
1. We don't see much of each other anymore. When we do it's for a specific purpose and that's often the extent of the interaction.
2. You are not actively engaged in the 'us' anymore. You claim work pressures are causing it, and its also why you aren't in a mood for sex. You gave me a lot of time, attention and affection in our first year and if that's changing, and for the worse, it is bad.
3. You sound like a broken record - same explanations, same litany of responsibilities, same reasons and moods and conversations.
4. I am finding the company of your friends increasingly nauseating. And the influence of one in particular, bothers me. You and he are forever checking out other women and even discuss sleeping with and meeting others - that's plain disrespectful to the people you're with. Oh yes, I do know that you have and continue to, talk to girls online...you've mentioned a couple of instances; others I have discovered. Just because you haven't acted on this, and gone and slept with another, does not make it okay. It shows you're restlessness, and more so, that you are juvenile. It's what boys do - check out women and keep looking for that stimulation and next lay.You think that being honest about it means it's okay - nope, not really. You assured me that your giving me less time did not mean you were out chasing other women or sleeping with someone else. I never thought it did - until you brought it up.
5. You said this week, outright, to expect nothing at all from you. Not calls, meeting/seeing one another, or the attention that you've thus far bestowed on me. You say I get "disappointed" when you don't show or come hours late, so it's better I expect nothing and make my own plans and not include you or count on you. But of course, when you're free, I'll be the person you call and meet.
6. You said I would not be able to fit into your family or adjust to them, and so you are not looking at marriage between us. You won't leave home, must continue to live with them. And of course, a girl of
my upbringing and background can't live with them. You can't just decide that solo - it's also my choice to make. The conversation has to be about whether we want to or can see ourselves spending the rest of our lives together.And then, what the requisite adjustments will be.
7. You've said a couple times recently that your family expects you to marry this year, and are actively looking for a wife for you. So we continue until that happens? Or you decide to introduce me and see if they would even be remotely open to the idea of accepting me? You said, when I posed these questions, that you don't know, but yes, those are the options.
8. Your words and actions have caused me to withdraw a little, and stop wanting to do for you as much as I used to. I've put you first, even ahead of myself. I remind you that bills need paying, errands need doing - indeed often I do online ordering, shopping and errands for you and your family. And I have done it expecting nothing in return, out of love and happiness.
9. You want all the privilege of being my guy without any of the responsibility. You say you want me to live my life and expect nothing but you also think you will continue to pop by whenever it suits you or you have time for me, and things will be exactly the same. Errrr. Ever heard of nurture? Of watering the plant/flower? Neglect equals wilting, my darling.
I've offered you the out, a few times now. Said we can break up, just be friends. Have clearly asked, are we still bf/gf? And made it clear that once it ends, I will not be able to give you priority or see you one on one much. That it will be painful and hurt...but you don't get it.
You chided me for the suggestion, saying why do you always go to breakup? And you always are firmly yes when I ask if we're still a couple. But on the other hand, when I complain or say I feel neglected, you go back to the whole martyr stance: too busy, no right to disappoint another, should not get into a relationship, etc. As I always say, about a year too late for that!
Another night, when I asked you what you want of me, and what the future holds, you actually brought up marriage - I didn't, will not and never have - but in a self-serving way. It's clear you are too confused in your own head. And that autonomy is something you never had.
Maturity means making space and place for everything in your life - not quitting the moment the tough gets tougher. In fact, that's one reason I am holding on: I refuse to be the kind of person who ran out the moment it got tough or boring. I want to stand by you, be that supportive woman in your life. But, for that you have to at least give me a little.
I am no longer head over heels for you - but I do still love you and feel so tenderly for and about you. I love your company and have so much fun around you. But I feel jaded and unappreciated, under-cared about, and yes, even though I love you and always will appreciate the time we had together, I am starting to wonder...
