And just like that...

...It all falls into place!
I have finally learned to play the game.
In a way, its a tad amusing, and sometimes annoying.
But I do see it's necessary.
And what has to be done if I want to be successful,
At this "relationship" thing.
I have been told many times in the past,
That I should never be completely open.
And stop wearing my heart on my sleeve.
And share my opinions and thoughts so freely.

Recent events and conversation make it crystal clear,
To me at the least.
The boy's friends are, at best, kindhearted and sweet.
But extremely juvenile.
They are an unthinking bunch.
Their conversation centers around sex and silliness.
Whoever they meet and whenever they meet.
There is no intellectual anything going on.
All fun in small measures.
But it amazes and kind of nauseates me,
To realize that that is the level at which they engage.
ALL the time.
Oh dear, oh my, and so on and so forth.

I have my mind in the gutter,
Engage in double entendre talk,
And can trade stories as good as the next guy/gal.
But my friends and I have so much more going on.
In our heads and in our conversations!

So, in a way, I guess its actually no surprise,
That they don't want me around always,
And don't involve me in their gatherings at times.
Let's face it, I am too grown up for them.
Maturity, intellect and just life experience wise!
I was offended earlier,
And even a little hurt,
That they would meet and hang out without me.
And that the boy would either hide the fact,
Or else tell me later,
Saying "it just happened".
And I have a couple times, called him out on my exclusion.
No more though.


That the NYE party was at my place,
That there are times when they want me along,
Is all well n good, and I have no problems.
But I am also drawing the line now.
I don't need them in my home a lot.
I don't need to be as welcoming as I used to be.
I need to draw the line.
Once in a while is all good.
Beyond that, let's keep some distance.

I will hang out with the boy,
His friends are not a package deal.
They certainly don't take me as one!
So enough of the hospitality and open house attitude that I've displayed.
They have told him to not include me at times,
Told him to hang out with me separately.
Therefore, time I do the same.
Boys night is sacrosanct, right?
Well, then, guess what?
So is date night and my time with him.
No, let's not meet the gang!

After a recent (drunken) admission that he had hidden meeting up with friends.
Going to the bridge to hang out without me, and without even telling me.
Former's fine - latter, nope!
He also admitted to meeting others, gals included.
And keeping it from me.
Why? 'Cause I would ask to tag along,
Or get upset he didn't take me to the bridge.
He said: " you made me do it."

I went quiet and said I was sad he felt the need to lie to me.
That I would always ask to meet and hang out.
That's my right - and it's his to say he can't or choose others over me.

Still, as a result of that conversation (well that's what I think!)
He is taking extra care at the moment,
To tell me what he did the previous evening/day.
And when he realized that he hadn't and that another from the group was talking to me.
He immediately said I forgot to tell you and launched into the story of meeting the gang,
After having taken me home (and no, I was not invited later - I had other plans).
And for whatever reason, I had an inkling, both times it happened post our convo -
Even those earlier instances, come to think of it.
That he was out n about.
My instinct is strong, especially with people I am connected to/feel close to.


But the truth is that I am let down.
By the unnecessary lies.
And yes, I do sometimes wonder,
What he's not telling me.
Whether his "boys" have told him to hide something.
Or explicitly excluded me.
Of course I will wonder.
I had given my love and my trust implicitly.
All it takes is something like this to shake that.
But for now, I continue on.
For I have learned.

Don't dig or throw tantrums (cause then you're being needy and demanding).
Don't ask (cause then you're being nosy or prying).
Just be - and when information is given,
Don't pounce or pout.
Take it in your stride.
That saying of catching more with honey than with vinegar...