Coming into my own
Over the last couple weeks,
I have realized how much I have finally come into my own,
In terms of looks and being who I am.
I have become truly comfortable in my skin,
Uninhibited in my interactions and conversations,
Dancing with abandon and joy,
Just being myself and saying what I believe.
I guess I've been this way for a couple years now,
Or at least, growing towards this.
But I think this past year,
It's solidified - my sense of self,
My ability to be at peace and not worry,
About how others might view me...
I am not diffident or shy by any stretch,
Rather I am an opinionated, laugh aloud,
Think and talk kinda gal.
I have always been confident in my intellectual abilities,
In my smarts and people skills.
But when it comes to physicality,
It was a different story...
It hit home over recent events and interactions.
I was at a super fun three day event,
And made a bunch of friends - nothing new.
I was on stage a lot, so interacting with people happened naturally.
But what happened, on the last night,
Made me realize how much I have changed and for the better!
There was a DJ and dancing,
And I danced, gaily and with complete abandon,
With people I didn't know all that well, for the most part.
I had one dear friend who was as carefree as I -
She's been an inspiration for me.
Had a few different men come up to dance with me,
Pull me to them...
Nothing sexual at all about it.
It was purely about wanting to dance in my frame.
It took me back to my teens and twenties,
When I would be the awkward one,
Who would get a pity dance from a guy friend,
Or make sure to be surrounded by the gals,
Or desperately hold on to the one person dancing with me.
I was never, ever the central character or the one people gravitated towards on the dance floor!
That a guy in his early twenties wanted to dance with me, amongst others,
Made me happy.
It was a surprise and thrill when he came up to me and took me in his arms
And swung me around the floor!
Finally, I am no longer that awkward, inhibited soul on the dance floor!
I am bigger and rounder than I was then,
But I am also willing to shake what I've got,
And do it rather well!
I had a few different people,
Men and women,
Compliment me on my dancing,
Saying it was nice to watch me dance so openly,
And that it was not what they expected from me,
To be so carefree and willing to dance vigorously.
One said I was quite graceful and didn't look vulgar,
Even when shaking it to Bollywood tunes.
Coming from a woman, that was a compliment indeed!!
I am still self-conscious about the way I look,
Mostly because it's been beaten into my head,
That there's something wrong,
That I am not okay the way I am,
That I should want to change.
But at the same time,
I dress the way I am comfortable with,
Exposing flabby arms and cleavage!
But I have also become bolder in my clothing.
A clingy red dress I was sent as a present was something it took me 6 months
To get up the courage to wear.
And then it sat in my closet again,
For another 8 months.
I wore it for the second time ever last night,
And I felt sexy and good in it.
I wore it after a certain someone commented he wanted to see me in it.
I didn't see him last night,
But I wore the dress anyways!
My gal friends have told me repeatedly that it looked good and I should wear it.
And now I finally get it!
I don't know if I should feel sorry for my younger self,
Who clearly missed out on some good times.
Or just be supremely grateful,
That in my thirties,
I have the freedom, ability and opportunities to enjoy life,
Make up for lost time, past shyness, and such.
This abandon and assurance is translating to my romances too;
I am able to talk and share and ask for what I want.
I am able to enjoy moments better,
And stop hiding or feeling inadequate.
(Well, at least, reduce my feelings of discomfort -
Truth is I am still shyer and more unsure than I need be).
Another very welcome change,
Since it means I have a great time,
And the person I am with does too!
So, yay for the confidence and sense of self!
Yay for finally learning to just live and be!
Yay for the wonderful people in my life who help me make it happen!
And whenever I am down,
Here's to remembering that there's still a whole lot to be grateful for...
I have realized how much I have finally come into my own,
In terms of looks and being who I am.
I have become truly comfortable in my skin,
Uninhibited in my interactions and conversations,
Dancing with abandon and joy,
Just being myself and saying what I believe.
I guess I've been this way for a couple years now,
Or at least, growing towards this.
But I think this past year,
It's solidified - my sense of self,
My ability to be at peace and not worry,
About how others might view me...
I am not diffident or shy by any stretch,
Rather I am an opinionated, laugh aloud,
Think and talk kinda gal.
I have always been confident in my intellectual abilities,
In my smarts and people skills.
But when it comes to physicality,
It was a different story...
It hit home over recent events and interactions.
I was at a super fun three day event,
And made a bunch of friends - nothing new.
I was on stage a lot, so interacting with people happened naturally.
But what happened, on the last night,
Made me realize how much I have changed and for the better!
There was a DJ and dancing,
And I danced, gaily and with complete abandon,
With people I didn't know all that well, for the most part.
I had one dear friend who was as carefree as I -
She's been an inspiration for me.
Had a few different men come up to dance with me,
Pull me to them...
Nothing sexual at all about it.
It was purely about wanting to dance in my frame.
It took me back to my teens and twenties,
When I would be the awkward one,
Who would get a pity dance from a guy friend,
Or make sure to be surrounded by the gals,
Or desperately hold on to the one person dancing with me.
I was never, ever the central character or the one people gravitated towards on the dance floor!
That a guy in his early twenties wanted to dance with me, amongst others,
Made me happy.
It was a surprise and thrill when he came up to me and took me in his arms
And swung me around the floor!
Finally, I am no longer that awkward, inhibited soul on the dance floor!
I am bigger and rounder than I was then,
But I am also willing to shake what I've got,
And do it rather well!
I had a few different people,
Men and women,
Compliment me on my dancing,
Saying it was nice to watch me dance so openly,
And that it was not what they expected from me,
To be so carefree and willing to dance vigorously.
One said I was quite graceful and didn't look vulgar,
Even when shaking it to Bollywood tunes.
Coming from a woman, that was a compliment indeed!!
I am still self-conscious about the way I look,
Mostly because it's been beaten into my head,
That there's something wrong,
That I am not okay the way I am,
That I should want to change.
But at the same time,
I dress the way I am comfortable with,
Exposing flabby arms and cleavage!
But I have also become bolder in my clothing.
A clingy red dress I was sent as a present was something it took me 6 months
To get up the courage to wear.
And then it sat in my closet again,
For another 8 months.
I wore it for the second time ever last night,
And I felt sexy and good in it.
I wore it after a certain someone commented he wanted to see me in it.
I didn't see him last night,
But I wore the dress anyways!
My gal friends have told me repeatedly that it looked good and I should wear it.
And now I finally get it!
I don't know if I should feel sorry for my younger self,
Who clearly missed out on some good times.
Or just be supremely grateful,
That in my thirties,
I have the freedom, ability and opportunities to enjoy life,
Make up for lost time, past shyness, and such.
This abandon and assurance is translating to my romances too;
I am able to talk and share and ask for what I want.
I am able to enjoy moments better,
And stop hiding or feeling inadequate.
(Well, at least, reduce my feelings of discomfort -
Truth is I am still shyer and more unsure than I need be).
Another very welcome change,
Since it means I have a great time,
And the person I am with does too!
So, yay for the confidence and sense of self!
Yay for finally learning to just live and be!
Yay for the wonderful people in my life who help me make it happen!
And whenever I am down,
Here's to remembering that there's still a whole lot to be grateful for...
