Something New

I really do learn a little or sometimes a lot,
Something new about myself, rather often.
Last night I did something I never ever dreamed I would.
Not as in it went against some principle or belief.
Just that I never expected to want to reach out in that way,
To contain my fears and worries,
Check in to make sure we were on the same page.
Never realized her opinion and approval were so important to my happiness.
More than that, to my sense of self.

I met someone interesting, appealing,
A mirror-image in many ways.
But his background gave me pause.
Because I knew she would have reservations.
I consider her ideas on the topic somewhat irrational,
But also a product of who she is,
From where she is.
I knew for a fact that she'd not be thrilled.
His religion by birth, family, country of origin.
Would be hard for her to be good with.

So, I did something uncharacteristic.
I called my mum up,
And asked her if this was a big issue.
I-asked-my-mother-for-her-approval.
Not because I needed it,
But because I wanted it.

I always proclaimed and thought
That I would do and say and be with who I please.
And I suppose if I felt so strongly, I would.
But in this situation, where its just a thought,
Rather than something that's there already,
And knowing her reservations,
I reached out and wanted her to know where I was coming from,
Why I like him, why he is not typical.
And after hearing me out,
She aired her issues, her fears and worries,
Regarding his origins,
How it might complicate life for me.
And I do agree with those worries,
I have some of them for myself, even though its only a by name association.
So sure, if linked with someone whose background is going to rouse every check and counter check, it will be hard at times.

But at the end, she listened and understood where I am coming from.
And told me to go ahead, see where things lead.
Only after hanging up,
Did I realize that I actually did that.
I asked for my mother's approval/understanding about a possible man in my life.
I've never had to rebel, really, at all in my life.
I have those parents, those super-cool, do what you wish with your life, we will love you anyway, you are our only child, parents.
And so, despite maybe coming across as a fighter and a potential rebel,
In truth I am neither.
My wish to have my mother in my corner,
To have her as I always do,
Led me to making a call I never ever expected to.
I learned this and so much more about myself...