Music, Memories, Melancholy

I have spent the better part of the last two hours online.
Not doing anything terribly useful.
But rather, YouTube has provided me
With songs and sights
From old Hindi movies.
"Classics" most of them get called.
I don't quite know what it is about hearing those old songs and seeing
the picturizations, that is making me so sad.
I definitely go through bouts of missing my homeland.
And frivolous as it sounds, my strongest ties seem to come to the surface via music.
Especially the songs from Bollywood movies of the 1950s and 1960s.
I am twenty eight years old-these songs are waaay before my time.
But they are the ones that reel me in.
Mukesh, Kishore, Rafi, Lata, Geeta Dutt, Shamshad Begam...
Those are the voices that stay in my head..
Those songs are unbeatable and haunting.
Some happy and playful, others sad.
One and all bring tears to my eyes.
Seeing Dev Anand chasing Shakila or chastising Sadhana in a song,
Watching Nargis and Raj Kapoor.
Johnny Walker even.
Many others, unknown or forgotten now.
They all make me cry.
And I wonder why?
Is it because they are just that strong link to my childhood?
Songs heard in the background when my mother played them?
Or memories of movies she and I saw?
And we saw some really obscure ones, I'll admit!
Those times spent in movie watching and song listening/singing,
Are some of my fondest memories.
Maybe its just hearing those melodies and voices?
Those lyrics full of dard (hurt is the literal translation, but it does not come across in English) or of such intense romanticism (there is no way to explain it in English-they would just be corny).
Having gone through the songs from movies like CID, Asli Naqli, Aag.
One particular song, Chandan Sa Badan, from Saraswati Chandra has
particular meaning for me.
I do expect to feel a pang and maybe even cry when I hear it.
It has the most amazing lyrics, and is sexy and suggestive in a way
that should be admired for a song so old and in a time of strong censorship.
Things are merely alluded to, as with many other songs from that era.
But its the fact that someone once told me that was the song he thought of me with,
That makes me sad when I listen to it now.
"Tun bhi sundar, Mun bhi sundar,"
"Tu sundarita ki muurath hai."
Wow, that I was ever thus elevated!
I guess my love and emotionality regarding the oldies also has to do with my own (very hidden) romantic streak.
I know love is not like the movies, and definitely not like these old Hindi songs.
But those lyrics still get me.
If someone felt about me the way those songs say, I think I'd die happy.
But I know its unlikely and highly implausible.
And perhaps, that, is why I cry...